A quiet night in the bar..?
by Sephiroth Jnr
Summary: a very short fic about an average night in the pub with the FFVII cast...


A QUIET NIGHT IN THE BAR.....?  
a short tale by Sephjnr  
  
Sephiroth couldn't believe it.  
  
The human had seemed far stronger than he'd originally believed.  
  
Time wasn't on his side, the seemingly endless resources at his disposal were all but   
diminished, and -because of the sudden loss of momentum- he couldn't think straight.  
  
His 'life' had flashed before him... Niebelheim, the reactor, the Shinra building, the  
crater, the whole damn story of his existence had been replayed fast-mo in his mind within a  
few seconds.  
  
'Now!' his mind screamed, 'He's trying to finish me off- think of how you're going to come  
back from this!!'  
  
And he thought... and thought... until....  
  
"Queen to Rook 8, Checkmate" Barret said. He moved the piece into the fatal position.  
  
"BOLLOCKS!!!!!" the son of Jenova screamed. "That's the fifth f***ing time today!!"  
Seph couldn't understand how his fiendish brain had betrayed him yet again.  
  
"It's easy, man! All you gotta do is be a little less cautious, keep your Queen away from  
danger, and DON'T let your own pawns block the King's sights" Barret had said. Even a   
brawler of his stature could concentrate on a game of chess.  
  
Seph banged his head on the stool... "I" -bang- "keep" -bang- "forgetting" -bang- "to  
attack" -bang,bang,bang.   
  
"Hey man, it's only chess; don't have a heart-attack 'cuz it ain't the end of the world.  
Another game?"  
  
"Nah, I can't stand it any more" Seph sobbed. "I'm used to plotting attacks over a long  
period of time. I haven't had practice at on-spot operations".   
  
The conversation went on, as the Avalanche Games Night at the Dog & Goose in Costa Del Sol.  
Tifa, Cloud, Aeris & Cid were playing strip poker and Reeve, Nanaki and Vincent were at the  
bar. Yuffie was working as a waitress, being particularly busy. The pub wasn't jammed, but  
there were a large number of patrons present.  
  
At the poker table, Cloud was down to a vest & trousers whilst Cid was fully clothed, as was  
Tifa. Aeris, however, was in REAL trouble- Her underwear & boots only remained.  
  
"Okay. Three card brag -threes are wild- and I'm in- right boot." Cloud took of his right  
boot and placed it on the table. He dealt the others cards accordingly from a diminishing  
pack.  
  
"I'll see your boot" Cid calmly said, "and raise you my left glove." He placed both items  
on the table."  
"I'm out" Aeris said. Good thing really, seeing she was only wearing just enough to qualify  
as 'decent'.  
  
"I'll see that" Tifa plaiced boot & glove in the pile. She also removed her vest, revealing  
her Wonderbra cleavage. "That's as far as I'll go this time."  
  
"OK, I'll see you." Cloud & Cid said in unison, removing their tops.  
"Right... what have you got?" Tifa said.  
Cid immediately put up.. "Two pairs!"  
  
Cloud looked puzzled. "Two pairs? you're only allowed three cards"  
Cid panicked. "eh Really?" he tried to hide a card. "Two pairs then. Two and a half pairs."  
  
Tifa then looked angry. "Stand up!"  
"No" Cid said.  
"Come on..." Cloud replied.  
"I can't. I've got a hernia." Cid weakly defended himself.  
"No you have not!" Tifa scowled.  
"Yes I have, I suddenly, like this-second, have a hernia."  
"STAND UP OR I WILL GIVE YOU A HERNIA!!!" Tifa screamed.  
Cid stood up. There were six cards on his seat.  
  
"Boots" Aeris exclaimed.  
"Come on, A, you're not even" Cid started.  
"I saw you put them in earlier during 5-card stud" she pointed out.  
Cid searched through the boot on his foot & the one on his table. He fished out a total  
of ten cards.  
"UNDERPANTS" Cloud said through his teeth.  
"Awwwww" Cid replied. He was getting fed up of being discovered as a cheat.  
Tifa then calmed down. "Look, Cid. We're not angry or anything. It's just that we're playing  
with a 26-card deck. Please get the others and don't cheat again."  
Cid reached into his y-fronts. Another 7 appeared, smelling of Cid.  
  
"Right. What have you got, Cloud?"  
Cloud produced his cards.. "Three threes" he said, a grin broke out on his face.  
"That's not possible, I've got three threes" Tifa said.  
They looked at the cards, puzzled. Each of them had different backs, coming from different  
decks.  
  
They turned towards Cid. Cid blushed. He produced the three other cards belonging to  
that particular deck- three threes.  
Tifa lunged at Cid, hitting him square in the nose. Cloud restrained the pair- but only  
just.  
"YOU CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT!" Tifa screamed. "IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN I'LL KILL YOU!!"  
  
An agitated Yuffie came over. "No violence in the bar, please" She said, trying to cool the  
atmosphere.  
Cid then sat back up, holding a hankerchief to his nose.  
  
Over at the bar, Reeve struck up a conversation with Nanaki..  
  
"Hey, Red" he said.  
"Yeah?" Nanaki replied.  
"I bet I could tell you a joke that could blow yer balls off!" Reeve boasted...  
"Naah. I've already heard that one." Nanaki frowned. "Vincent told me that one a week ago."  
  
Reeve then had a brainwave. "hey, Vincent! You got a coin?"  
"What for?" Vince said.  
"There's this great new intelligence test..." he was cut off by Nanaki-  
"Is that the one where you press a coin hard into his head, then take it out in an attempt  
to make him bang himself in the back of his head loads of times?"  
  
Reeve grumbled under his breath. His attempts at humour hadn't gone well so far. He tried  
to enjoy the drink in his hands. He was so drunk, he couldn't decide whether the name of the  
pub was the 'Dog and Goose' (which it was) or the "Mayor's Arms". He hastilly decided on the  
latter to try to take his mind off the subject.  
  
A bit later, the phone at the bar went off. Vince picked it up.  
"Reeve, it's for you."  
  
He picked the phone up. "Yeah? That you, chief? Yeah, it's me, Reeve. I'm in the..the..  
Mayor's arms."  
  
The bartender looked at him in a peculiar way as he continued the conversation.  
  
"What happened? some bomb went off in the northern sector, and some goons wanna smash a pub  
up? Yeah. Which one? The Dog and Goose, I see.."  
  
Reeve didn't notice everyone in the entire bar rush for the exit.  
  
"Well, there's sod all I can do about it, I'm off-duty. Anyway, this place is a dive here,  
nothing's gonna happen. OK, bye." He placed the reciever down, and suddenly  
noticed the bar was empty.  
  
"Eh? where did everybody go? was it something I said?"  
  
Reeve took a swig of his beer, and turned around to the entrance.. His eyes fell upon some   
goons with baseball bats & chainsaws, all with an angry look on their face.  
  
"Er...... hi?"  
  
THE END 


End file.
